Ali Edwards had a great entry on her blog yesterday. I've been facing the Mountain of Too Much for far too long at work, and the stress and overwhelmingness and no-end-in-sight is starting to really bring me down. Living in the moment is something I really strive for in my life. When I'm at work, I'm working. When I'm at home, I'm resting, visiting, creating. I don't bring work home with me, mentally or otherwise. It is the only way I can deal. I have to rest to keep going. I have to recharge. Except recently, the work has been creeping in to the home. There is just too much to do, I'm too behind, there have been too many crises. I'm known in my department as one of the calm ones, a quiet voice of reason when everyone else is spinning out of control. But that's been feeling like a huge burden recently, when I want to throw a fit and cry and get mad. Not be calm. And I've been drawn in to working in the evening (I'll just finish one more thing...) and at the kitchen table in the morning over breakfast (I'll just prepare for that one meeting - oh, but I have to read all this email...). I had been developing a habit of going to a Yoga or Pilates class at lunch, but now I can't seem to afford the time - at whose expense? The mountain doesn't get any smaller when I cut these corners, I just get more tired.
This morning, my first waking thought was about a report I had wanted to write and publish before a meeting this morning, and how was I going to find the time to write it up? My second thought was, "This is ridiculous. I want my life back." Last night I left the office at 5:40, earlier than I had for weeks. Nothing catastrophic happened - or at least my cell phone didn't ring. Today, I think I'll catch the vanpool, another thing I haven't done in weeks. That means I'll be at my desk early (maybe draft that report, at least), and I'll be certain to leave at a reasonable hour. Tomorrow I intend to telecommute. Walk to the yoga studio near my house in the morning before I settle in to work for the day.
I love this idea: There is just this moment. I will do my best in it. The future is just a concept.