Aubergine

Ordinary life in pictures

The mid-day counter collection. Snack bowl, sippy cup and the cat-deterrent device.  The lens that got left in the car and finally migrated in. Drawing paper. Bean's iPhone.  A quiet monitor.  A moment of stillness to observe this moment of my life.

The things I said I'd never do

Last week we went to an open house at a Waldorf-style preschool.  The main room was filled with wooden toys - trains and treehouses and a rocking horse with a woolen mane. The walls were draped with naturally-dyed silks and hung with art projects made of dried leaves, sticks and seed pods.  There was a toy kitchen with little aprons, a full set of miniature mixing bowls and spoons and a basket of wooden eggs and colorful vegetables. The nap room smelled of lavender floating in dim filtered blue light from the lacy curtains.  The Bean dove right in to play, clambored all over the kid-sized furniture, and cried hard when it was time to go.

When we arrived back home I gazed balefully around my living room, noting all the ways it didn't live up to the serene environment at the school.

Before I had a child I had strong opinions about what kind of mother I was.  

I was the kind of mother who would use cloth diapers, follow attachment parenting principles, only buy wooden toys, and breastfeed on demand until sometime in toddler hood. I was the kind of mother who would journal daily about the experience of motherhood, have a detailed, heirloom quality baby book, and dress my child in hand-knitted and hand-sewn clothing. My child would be clean, never have a snotty nose, and I would not tolerate tantrums in the grocery store. My daughter would not wear pink or play with princesses or Barbies, and my son would have a baby doll and a shopping cart.  No guns or other violent toys would be allowed for either gender.

Oh, the naiveté of the uninitiated.

Do you know how much work cloth diapers are?  How expensive wooden toys are? How annoying it can be to nurse a squirmy toddler when she only wants to snack? Do you know how cute pink hats with big flowers are? When did I think I would have the time to hand-make my child's clothes? 

It is good to make parenting choices thoughtfully. But I have found a balance of realism helps my sanity.

I do consider carefully what foods I feed my daughter and usually choose organic and fresh.  But Goldfish really are the perfect toddler snack-on-the-go. 

I'm still nursing at 15 months and have no plans to wean soon, but I re-direct to her sippy cup when I need my personal space or it is the third or fifth time she's asked to nurse in an hour.  We co-slept until her squirming and grabbing was making me lose too much sleep. I am really grateful for my less-interrupted sleep and I really relish our early morning cuddles when she moves from the crib back to our bed. 

I am thoughtful about the toys that come into this house, but they are not all made of wood and some of them have batteries.  I don't allow any that don't have off switches and the ones that have volume controls are all set to "low."  There are very few character products, but Pooh and a couple of Blues Clues softies can be found in evidence.  I'm still holding firm on Barbie and the princesses. But if the Bean really really wants a tiara and a tutu when she's bigger, I'd probably let her have them.  Countered, of course, with copies of books like Cinder Edna, The Princess Knight, and the Paper Bag Princess. And a sturdy pair of OshKosh overalls.

I'm glad my daughter likes to dig in the dirt and explore her surroundings, but that means she gets dirty.  She wears mostly cotton and I just do a bit more laundry.  I'm pretty zealous about keeping her face and her nose clean, but sometimes a little crustiness can't be helped. 

The part of me that wishes to be a perfect mom wishes my house echoed that lovely preschool.  But I also realize that is unrealistic for my real life.  It is good to have something to strive toward, but the space I have created is good.  Very good, in fact. I am glad that there are preschools like the one we visited where she could go and be nurtered differently, but in concert, with the way we live at home.

In motherhood, as in my life before, I am always in search of balance.  When my daughter was new the piece of advice I heard most often was, "Become comfortable with change."  Seeking balance in an environment that is constantly changing can be infuriating.  Or it can become a dance.  

I choose to dance.  Sometimes in a tutu.

 

Spring Clean Your Life: 10 ways to clear clutter from your home and your head

Has the spring cleaning bug got you?  But you are feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start?  Here are 10 cleaning and clearing tips that are designed to help your home and your head feel clear, fresh, and oh, so springy.

Clean Your Fridge

How many times a day do you look in the refrigerator?  A lot, right? Make it a happy place.  Throw out the expired condiments, questionable vegetables and bread bags containing only heels.  Wipe down the shelves and pull out the drawers and wash them.  If this project feels daunting, tackle it one shelf, one drawer at at time. Open a fresh box of baking soda and put it in the back to keep it smelling fresh.

Clear Off The Counter

While you are in the kitchen, give your counters a once over. What appliances have taken up residence but aren't being used?  Can you store them in a cabinet or a closet instead? Are your spices fresh? Replace the sponge in your sink and wash the counter under the dish drainer.  Tidy up the papers around the phone and answering machine (if you still have those), and clear out the take out menus, receipts and random pieces of mail that have collected.  

Get With the Season

Clear out any seasonal decor that is still hanging around the house (is that Santa still on the mantle?).  Bring in some fresh flowers or other spring decorations.  Fertilize your house plants or bring some in if you don't have any.  Leafy plants clean the air which makes them great for bedroom and offices.

Clear Your Calendar

Take a look at your calendar for the next month, or through the summer.  What activities make you feels like "Yes!"?  Keep those.  Review what's left and see what you can cancel, decline, or otherwise get out of. Now sit down with your family and make a "Want To Do" list for the summer together.  Mark those things in on your newly spacious calendar.

Give your Closet a Once-Over

Get rid of winter clothes you didn't wear all season and summer clothes that don't fit or you don't feel great in. Mend the items with missing buttons and take anything that needs to be altered to the tailor.  Review your bags and shoes and get rid of or repair anything that isn't in functional contidion.

Dump Your To-Do List

After a few months my running to-do list gets a bit long in the, well, length. Sit down with your list and a red pen. Is there stuff on there you are not really going to get around to? Delete it. Stuff you need to do but can’t get going on? Make sure you know the real next action is or just eat that frog and get it done.

Clean Out the Medicine Cabinet

Get rid of expired medications, completed prescriptions, and outdated makeup.  Toss or give away lotions, unopened bars of soap, or hair products that you aren't going to use.  Replace your toothbrush and clean your hairbrush. Repair or get rid of broken or mismatched jewelry.

Make a List of House Projects

Homeowners quickly learn that the joy of owning a house is the never-ending list of repairs and improvements.  But do you know the next five things you want to tackle?  They might be big like getting the roof replaced, or small like weeding the side yard.  Review the list with your spouse, write it down and post it where you will see it regularly.  Be sure to cross them off as you tackle them!

Clean off Your Desk

Or wherever your important (and not so important) papers gather.  File what you need to keep, recycle or shred what you can get rid of.  Now that tax season is over, review your financial papers and get rid of what you don't need to retain.  Recycle the magazines and newspapers that may be accumulating and give the nice clear surface a wipe down. If dealing with papers is a weak area for you, check out this great workshop by Aby Garvey of Simplify 101.  

Make a Vision Board or Inspiration Wall

Collect images, words, or symbols that represent the qualities you want in your life, your goals, or things that make you happy. (Hint: pull some pages out of those magazines you had collected before you recycle them!)  Hang it somewhere you will see it often.  Visualizing the life you want to live is a powerful way to create change and bring what you want into your life.

If you can do all, or even just a few of these things, you will have created space in your home, your head, and your heart for new, good stuff to flow in.

10 links on Tuesday - The Mason Jar Edition

It isn't quite canning season but I have all these jars so I was wondering what else I could do with them while I wait for the berries and stone fruits to ripen up.  And lo, this post was born.  10 things you can do with Mason Jars:

1. Make Butter 

Since my friend Veronica posted recently about making butter in Mason jars, I've been wanting to make some at home.  When I was a kid we would do this with my mom.  It is surprisingly easy, and makes really really good butter.  I also found some flavored butter recipes that I'd like to try.

2. Candle holders for the garden

Here is a how-to for a straightforward hanging candle holder made from a Mason Jar. This version, all in a row, is lovely, but I can't figure out how it was assembed and there are no instructions.

Or stick a face on it and it becomes a jack'o'jar.

3. Wired Light or a Wired Chandelier

For those of you who are a bit more handy, here is a DesignSponge DIY for making a wired fixture using jars for the bulb shades. 

I also really like this version, which was inspired by a pottery barn fixture. 

4. Pack a Salad for Lunch

This one is entirely new to me - making a layered salad in a jar.  What a good idea!

5. Premade Drinks for a Party

I love this idea for a fancy garden party.  You could go beyond lemonade, too.  How about herb-flavored iced tea, or sangria? So very Martha Stewart! 

6. Wall Organizers

I've seen a few different versions of this idea on Pinterest.  

8. Wall Planter

Take the wall organizer a step further and you have a sweet herb planter.

9. Reusable Storage Containers

Change up the jar lids and you have reusable pourable jars and pumpable jars.

10. Sewing Kit

I saved the real Martha Stewart link until last.  Add a bit of fabric and padding to the lid and store your sewing notions inside.  Use a tiny jam jar to make a travel kit!

 

I put my baby in a box

And she loves it.

I have been cooking dinner with Bean at my feet for a while now.  She has a set of play food and play pans and access to the tupperware cabinet.  But as she gets taller and more inquisitive, I've been getting more and more nervous about her roaming the kitchen below hot pans and near a hot oven. Her dad doesn't get home from work early enough to help distract her during this window of time, so I needed another solution.

I read about the Fun Pod on Liz Lamoreux's blog recently. Her daughter is just a little older than mine and at about the same developmental stage.  A couple of  local mom friends with slightly older toddlers have the Learning Tower, but I was worried about the open sides.  Bean isn't quite walking yet, and I was afraid she'd slip and fall out.  Or climb in when I didn't want her to have access to the counter.  Also it has a huge footprint and I do not have a large kitchen.

The Fun Pod was exactly what I was looking for.  It allows Bean to be up at counter height with me, safely, and only when I want her there because she can't climb in and out on her own. It is sturdy and stable, but small enough that I'm not tripping over it. It is short enough to fit under the counter when not in use.  The Pod can be adjusted as she gets taller so it should be useful until she is several years old.

Our kitchen isn't arranged in a way that allows her to be very close while I'm actually cooking, though I have let her play in the sink behind me once and I imagine it will be great for her to help me clean up when she's a bit bigger.  Usually I set her up on the opposite side of our penninsula, in the dining room, but facing me.  She can color, play with blocks, or eat a snack while I cook.  She's not underfoot, is safe from the hot stuff, and can see me. She also asks to get in throughout the day so she's in and out of the thing all day.

I'm cheap when it comes to baby stuff.  With the exception of her car seat, I've managed to source almost all of her big items free (from friends or freecycle) or used and cheap.  But I'm really glad I invested in this item brand new.  We use it so often, and will be using it for years.

November

I had such good intentions of writing every single day this month.  And I started strong.  I was enjoying it, the quest to find a topic every day, practicing the muscle of finding the words to pin down my thoughts.  It felt good.  And the exercise was helping me to shake out new ideas, more each day than I could use so that I could string them forward into other projects, next month, set aside for when I had more time to dig deeper.

But then my grandfather died and I dropped everything and flew to Canada.  And then I brought the flu home with me and the whole household has been staggering under it.  And then the rains came and I feel my energy winding down.  And here I sit in the middle of the last full week of the month and wonder what happened to November.

I love and hate you, November.  This is the month that starts out warm and cozy and ends cold and wheezing. It always goes faster than I expect and then the holidays are upon me and I'm unprepared.  My birthday is at the end but I'm always so worn out by the time it arrives that I just want it over and done with so I can sleep.  And by the time I catch my breath again it is the middle of December and Christmas is looming and I haven't planned gifts and the ones that need to be mailed are already late and I decide yet again that I won't be doing cards this year and I swear that next year I will be more organized and more prepared and more rested and it will be better.

I don't think my skidding slide to the end of the year actually has anything to do with poor organization or lack of preparedness.  My energy is low these months and it always will be.  I plan too much and my expectation are too high and I cannot keep up with it all. Perhaps I have not fully adjusted my expectations to my energy level.  Perhaps I still hold on to things I think I should be doing rather than things I want to do.  Do I really want to make and send Christmas cards?  Maybe a little.  But more I would like to make cookies with my family and have an ornament-making craft night, and have quiet evenings with a fireplace and a movie and my knitting. I want to savor this season and not fight it so much every year.

I am hosting Thanksgiving this year and it will be potluck.  I'm having to let go, over and over, of the idea of the perfect meal I *could* cook and keep myself to the two dishes I said I would make.  Others can bring the rest. I could make amazing stuffing but it would take me all day to make and make me too tired to enjoy the meal. The part I want is the community around the table, a glass of wine in my hand, laughter flowing.  Let the stuffing go.  Let go. Let go. Let go.

just like this

It has been nine months and one week since we sat here just like this, you with your guitar, me curled into the corner of the couch with my knitting.  That night you played through your entire repertoire of love songs while I timed contractions.  I didn't tell you what I was doing until you wound down the music, fingers aching from the strings.  I wasn't ready.  I wanted the timer to be wrong.  I wanted them to ease and spread apart and wait a few more days. I wasn't ready to give up the sweetness of just us two alone in the house on a winter night doing two of our two favorite things.  

Tonight I sit next to the baby monitor and hope your music doesn't wake her, but I don't want you to stop.  Tonight it is just as sweet as that night, maybe sweeter yet.  Sweeter for the baby who sleeps down the hall who didn't come so quickly after all, sweeter for the luxury of setting aside our tasks and chores and to-dos for the evening and doing instead those things that feed us.

The first of the first of fall

September always means fall to me, no matter than I live in a microclimate that is warmer in September and October than in July and August. In my garden, tomatoes are a fall harvest, not summer. But the nights fall cooler, and the mornings have a bit of bite, and even though the sun is warm the days are growing shorter and my blood can feel the season turning.

There is something about the fall season that makes me want to clean my nest.  More than spring, more than even that hormonal nesting drive in my 8th month of pregnancy.  As the evenings crisp up, I start throwing things out.  Making room for curling up and spending time indoors, I suppose.  

My baby girl is getting mobile - she learned to crawl this week - and I am in the midst of moving out the newborn supplies and making room for toys with batteries and for push carts and for the next size up of clothes.  Also moving things off of low shelves and the coffee table, and installing cabinet locks and outlet covers.  

I am surprised at my resistance to baby proofing.  Of course I want her to be safe, but still I want it to be my space, not totally turned over to kid stuff.  My space will need to move to over four feet off the floor for a while, I guess.  I've found some nice baskets in the garage and am using those for toys, so at least there is plenty of "away" to clean her stuff to.  For now.  My goal for this month is to deal with the piles of magazines around here and clear some surface space.  I may have less than a month - she loves to chew and tear paper and if she finds them before I move them they will get shredded.  I donated a Costco mailer to entertainment purposes one day last week and her squeals of glee were delightful and allowed me to read two pages of this month's book club book while sitting next to her.

The first of my closest friends who had children had moved away from the town where I met them to find a place where they could afford to buy a house and raise their kids on one income, so I wasn't able to see them much during the pregnancy or right after their son was born.  I went to spend a week with them when the baby was 3 months old, and I remember feeling some trepidation about what they would be like, how they would be changed.  I was a little afraid they would have morphed into PARENTS and I wasn't going to recognize my friends any more.  That we would no longer have anything in common or anything to talk about.  I was much relieved to discover that they were still the same people, just more tired and very much focused on this new person in their lives.  I feel like that, too.  On one hand, everything in my life has changed.  On the other hand, I'm exactly the same person I was 8 months ago, just more tired and more focused on this tiny girl.  And that same person likes to leave magazines on the coffee table and her laptop leaning up against the couch.

 

August Break: August 30

In my new life, reading a book is a guilty pleasure that I sneak when someone else takes the baby for a while.

Inspired: a Sunset back yard

I love Sunset Magazine.  I don't even know how long I've been reading it - longer than I've had a house of my own, certainly.  When I recently did a clean out of my magazine subscriptions, Sunset was one of only 3 subscriptions I didn't cancel and the other two have since lapsed. I love when that new issue arrives in my mailbox and I can curl up with a mug of tea and flip through the pretty lifestyles that don't actually seem so unattainable, unlike a lot of magazines I used to read!  

When I bought my house it had been a rental for a number of years, so as you might imagine the yard had largely gone to pot.  Everything was overgrown or weedy. The gophers had the run of the place and I had the twisted ankles to prove it.  A couple of times in the years that I've lived here I managed to rein in the weeds in one or another corner of the lot, but I've never really had the place looking good all at once.  I've never even had all of the front or all of the back looking good at once.  Let's just say the yard was best enjoyed with blinders on.  Just focus on this clean bit and don't look over there!

I've added flower beds, let them grow over, installed a container garden and let it get unruly, trimmed back the lovely antique roses that came with the place and then let them get out of control again, built raised vegetable beds and then forgot to clear them out in the fall, and hoed the weeds down to the dirt just to have them spring back after the next rain.  It has definitely been a one-step-forward-two-steps-back sort of situation.  But slowly, slowly, at least the back yard was becoming habitable.  But then my back went out last fall right when I should have been cleaning up the garden for the winter.  So that didn't happen.  By the time my back healed I was too pregnant to do much in the way of yard work. And then right when it started to get warm again I had a new baby.

One fine day in late March I tied the baby to my chest and went out to survey the damage in the back yard.  I could see the bones, and they were lovely.  But oh, the weeds.  So I set in.  After about 30 minutes, during which I woke the baby by leaning forward so far, drenched myself in sweat from wearing 18 yards of Moby in full sun, and only pulled about 4 linear feet of weeds, I admitted defeat and called my friend Kate for some help.

I think she spent 6 hours back there, and let me tell you, that woman is a whirlwind.  She dealt with the weeds, cleared out the veggie beds, refilled them with fresh dirt and compost, brought me veggie seedlings, was ruthless with the containers (emptied some, cut others back), and even cleared out the trash (hoarded containers) that was lurking in one back corner.  Do you need help in your garden?  Hire this woman.

By Mother's Day, I had a garden worthy of a Sunset photo shoot. At least from one wide angle.

 

But that's a great start!