learning to laugh

I've discovered something about myself recently that's new. I'm funny. I've never thought I was funny before. Sure people laughed at me, but rarely when I was trying to get them to. Sometimes because I said something unintentionally absurd or I did something kinda stupid. I usually laughed along, tried to play it off, but I hated that kind of laughter. Once in a while I'd come up with a witty zinger at just the right moment, but it was oh, so rare. Usually I thought of them 2 minutes too late.

See, I'm the oldest of four kids. In my family, me and my youngest sister are the quiet ones. My brother and sister in the middle are the clowns. John tells the best stories - he has fantastic comedic timing. Actually Jamie tells great stories, too. But also, Jamie is just crazy. Zany, always riding right on the edge of what's not acceptable to talk about, but she's so forthright about it that you can't help but laugh. And Lisa, well, Lisa fits in with my siblings better than I do. Lisa cracks people up constantly. She's silly, witty, and self-deprecating in a way that just makes you feel good to laugh with her, at her, because you know she's trying to get you to giggle.

And the last 4.5 years we've been together, I've learned to make her laugh, too. I love to make Lisa laugh. It is like winning a prize. We get each other going sometimes, over the silliest things. We start laughing so hard we can't stop. She holds the back of her head and I hold my stomach, the laugh muscles that give out on each of us first. We have to separate ourselves to opposite ends of the house so we can breathe. I love that.

But at some point my ability to make her laugh spilled over into the rest of my life. I got more confident, or more silly, or just more open. And now I get other people laughing on a regular basis, too. I'm getting goofy. Where did this person come from? I used to be so serious, so shy. But oh, this new person is so much more fun.

Comments

[meriko]

The archetype Doña who lives in my head is one who is laughing, eyes all crinkled up with joy.

I'm glad you found the goofy.