Aubergine

weekend bliss

The first good night of sleep I've had in days.  A lingering cup of coffee in the sun across my comfortable chair with the Fall issue of Interweave Knits that came this week.  A walk to the market to meet my sorta-step-dad for breakfast and a chat.  A lovely haul from the market, including a tomato that weighed exactly one pound, a bunch of lilies and coreopsis that are all the exact same stunning shade of orange, and sweet white nectarines that I'm looking forward to having for breakfast tomorrow. 

Lisa is about to leave for overnight and I have the house all to myself until tomorrow afternoon. I'm in paroxysms of indecision about what to do with myself first.  Paint, cook, read, dance around the house...  All of them!  My sister and her boyfriend are coming over for dinner, I have a new Jonatha Brooke album to listen to, no one to be bothered if I turn the music up loud, projects upon projects calling me in the studio, a warm sunny abundant garden out my window, and I am one very happy girl.

I want to live in the world

Thank you all so much for your comments here and by email, and for the love you sent me without words.  I felt it, and it helped me get through what was really a pretty tough week.  I'm feeling a bit better this week, though I know I have a lot of ups and downs yet to go.

Last night I picked up the journal I was keeping about this time last year, looking for the name of a restaurant I went to when I was in NY in November.  As I flipped through the pages, looking for my notes from that trip, the weight of the sadness I poured into that small book was almost palpable in my hand.  And I realized this:  I am not that woman anymore.  I am sad, yes, but this sadness has an end in sight.  I am healing.  I no longer feel hopeless.  I am so much lighter now. There's a lot of this road left ahead of me, but it was good to look back and see how far I have come, and that it is a good long distance.

I bought  the new Songs for Tibet compilation on iTunes this week that has this Jackson Browne song on it and it hit me in the gut.  Yes. I want to be alive in the world.  And I am now, so much more than I have ever been.