I returned from a short trip to Thailand late Thursday night. Yes, it was wonderful. More on that later. I was not there long enough quite to get on East Asian time, but just long enough to be completely loosed from any time zone affiliation now that I have returned. My body is responding to its confusion by refusing to sleep longer than 4 hours at a time, in intervals many hours apart. I woke up at 2:30 AM this morning. And today, thanks to the time change, I have an extra hour to not be sleeping in.
I have filled my very-long-so-far day with reading 3/4 of a book that I really want to like but don't really, making quinoa for my breakfast (that involved finding a recipe in a cookbook that was packed in a box, and then finding a temporary lid for the pan, because Lisa took the lid that fits the saucepan she left), putting together the two new stools that I bought yesterday (very comfortable - I tested them while eating my breakfast), not putting together the bookshelf I bought at the same time (which will house said boxed cookbooks), playing with Riley who is lonely, not yet reading my work email, not yet finishing my travel journal, writing a singles profile and choosing pictures to put with it. The writing the profile bit took hours, and I'm still not loving it. I think I sound prickly, which, if I'm honest, I probably am a bit. Am I ready to start dating? I'm not really sure. I feel like I'm ready to start meeting interesting people who I *might* like to date. Exercising the muscles, so to speak. For my photos, I picked several of my 365 portraits. I like them, although I guess they are not your normal singles profile photos. A little arty. But I'm a little arty.
On the current version of my "100 things" list, I have this item: Stop living on pause. Today felt like an example of how I'm not ready to cross that one off. I feel very paused today, waiting for something external to happen. Stop it. This is my life now. If I am unhappy with it, I have only myself to hold responsible. If I want it different, I have the power to change it. And yet, also, this is coming on winter, the season where I naturally pause each year.
Welcome back. I find winter such a hard time to make changes I know I need to make - you're right, it's a time to pause.
Posted by: Jennifer | Monday, November 03, 2008 at 12:38 AM
i so wish i could have met you. you and i are a lot alike. i've come to the conclusion that if i don't like my life (um, how could i right now?)...i still am responsible for it and need to change it. i'm just a little fuzzy on exactly how to do that.
i think you're an amazing woman. would love to see your art journal too. would you be willing to share it with me?
Posted by: Kimberly | Sunday, November 02, 2008 at 08:18 PM
Live each moment while it happens. That is all you can ask of yourself. Your path will be revealed soon enough. Hugs sweetie, great to hear from you :-)
Posted by: MB Shaw | Sunday, November 02, 2008 at 07:20 PM
Welcome back! Beautiful, beautiful photo. You are the last person I would ever suspect of living life on pause. I actually admire your ability to live openly to all the possibilities. :-) I'd toss the book and start another because I've wasted too many hours finishing books that I don't like, which in turn have kept me from books that I love. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Posted by: Kat | Sunday, November 02, 2008 at 04:09 PM