Aubergine

31 Posts: What I learned doing the 2012 Wordcount Blogathon

A Wordle for the month of May

Statistics

I started the month with an average of 25.6 pageviews a day and 94 subscribers on my feedburner subscription list. Six of those were email subscribers. At the end of the month I still have 94 subscribers and I gained one new email subscription.

I ended with 25.95 average daily pageviews, but that number is hard to move since the tool is averaging over posts back to 2005.  If I just look at the month of May, the average daily pageview goes up to 49.29.  Just over half of the visiters were new.

My highest traffic day was May 18 with 104 page views. The post that drew the most views overall was "Give Up The Life You Planned." That was also the post that drew the most comments.

 

What I learned

• No one is clicking my links from Twitter.  I mean no one.  Not before the blogathon and not during it.  I might as well quit tweeting my posts.  Most of my incoming traffic comes from Facebook. I don't have a Facebook page for my blog, but I do put my blog posts out on my personal account status stream. I have a policy of only friending people on Facebook who I actually know in real life, so this speaks to the power of real connections.  

Lesson 1         If I want people to click the links I tweet I need to put more of myself there.  I need to interact with others in that space and build relationships or I need to cut my losses and stop using Twitter. 

• Good titles are powerful.  I knew this already, but I am not really good at titles so I overlook it.  I knew I had a good title on the post "I Put My Baby In A Box" because it was provocative and would make people click just to see what I was talking about.  It wasn't even that interesting a post, but it got a lot of views and drew a number of comments, both on the blog and on Facebook.  

                    Lesson 2     The time it takes to come up with a good title is absolutely worth it.

• People are interested in what I have to say. The outbound links to my guest posts on other blogs were used, and I'm so honored!  I drew a nice number of incoming links from those posts, too.  Welcome, welcome, if one of those folks is you!

                    Lesson 3    Guests posts are valuable (and fun!) Put more energy into writing them and work up to                     some higher-traffic hosts.

• Good writing will draw readers, links, and reposts.  The strongest post I wrote the whole month was "Give Up The Life You Planned."  It was personal, but really resonated with people. It was picked up for the SecondAct roundup post and drew a lot of views and comments. The "10 Links on Tuesday" posts drew zero comments and only a low number of views.

                    Lesson 4   Put effort into writing well, especially if I'm not going to post as often.  The work is worth                     it.

• Post inspiration comes from all over. I started the month with a full editorial calendar but ended up scrapping about five posts that just weren't coming together and writing on other topics entirely.  Each of those were inspired by something I'd read that day or a conversation I'd just had.  Two or three of those were probably the best writing I did all month.

                    Lesson 5     Follow the muse when she whispers.

Tots and Tents: Camping with a Toddler

We just got back from the Sierra Nevada Mountains, where we attended Strawberry Music Festival.  Although it was sunny and warm on the day we drove in and again on the day we drove out, in between we got fog, rain, hail and even a full-on (but thankfully brief) white-out snow storm.  

And we were camping in tents.  With a 16-month-old.

We had a great time.

I hear from so many moms, when I talk about our travel with Bean, "You are so brave!  We would never do that!" Whether "that" is overseas travel, camping, 4-wheeling, or just a long road trip.  But I think that if you like to travel, you should travel with your kids. So I do.

In her first year, Bean travelled with us to Santa Fe, Ireland, Canada (twice!) and Australia.  In the past month, we've been camping twice.

In the spirit of encouraging more family travel, here is some wisdom I gleaned from our experience this weekend.  

 

Make a Safe Space

If you want a chance to relax, make sure your camp area is safe for your little one to roam around in.  

Our festival camp set-up was two 4-person tents (one for sleeping and one for a play zone) set up on a large ground-cover tarp.  We have a trailer that has a propane tank, stove, and water tap, but without the trailer we would set the stove, cooking gear and food items up on a table so they would be out of reach of curious fingers.

I brought a basket of toys and books and put them in the "play tent" and Bean knew that was her space.  She'd get in there as soon as we released her from bed in the morning which kept her contained and out from underfoot while we made coffee and breakfast.

If you arrange your base camp to be a safe space and provide enough interesting things to explore, your little one won't be tempted to go wandering off without you..

Get Comfortable With Dirt

Your child will get dirty and will probably get dirt in his or her mouth.  Get over it. 

Pack an extra package of baby wipes to help clean up before eating, but let go of the idea of clean clothes, clean fingers and clean faces.  Dirt is part of the fun of outdoors.

Go With the Flow

When we're at home I'm a stickler for Bean's sleeping schedule.  It is so much easier for me when she sleeps at regular times and for long enough. When she gets so tired she starts bouncing off the walls it is no fun for anyone! She takes a nap at about the same time every day and she goes to bed early.

But I knew a regular schedule wasn't going to be possible if I wanted to enjoy the festival myself.  I decided I was going to let the schedule go for the weekend and see what happened.

What happened was that she would wind herself down and nurse to sleep right around her regular sleep times.  One day she napped in my arms at the main stage - right through the zydeco band! One day she slept in the tent while I read a book just outside the door. One day she got hardly any nap at all, but we rolled with it.

In the evening we'd go out to the main stage for the evening acts, eat dinner there and let her play around our chairs until she asked to snuggle. I'd wrap her up in a blanket and she'd sleep in my lap until we walked back to camp and all got into bed together.

I know she didn't sleep quite enough any of the days we were there, but she will catch up this week.  As long as she seemed to be enjoying herself, I followed her lead. Less stress for me and it seemed to work fine for her.

Plan For Everything

I saw before we left that the weather forecast over the weekend ranged from 30-79 degrees F. So I packed for everything.

I had cold weather clothes (including long underwear, snow pants and fleece hats), warm weather clothes (including a rash-guard suit for water play), sunscreen and insect repellent, more snacks than she would possibly consume, and a first aid kit with basic supplies including infant Advil.

I knew I wouldn't need everything, but I wanted to be prepared for any contingencies.  

It turned out to be so cold for most of the weekend that all the extra clothes were really useful.  We just layered up (two pairs of pants, three shirts, a jacket and two hats!) and let her go.  I knew she was warm enough, even when it snowed.

Make sure to pack enough for yourself, too!  There is nothing worse than being cold when you are camping, especially at night!

 

Commit to Having Fun

This is actually the most important tip, and the part that was hardest for me going into this trip.  My man is a good example for me in this respect.

I knew the weather was going to be bad, and the whole week leading up to the weekend I was full of doom and gloom about how we were going to be cold and wet and miserable the whole time.  He said, "We all have warm clothes. We have a 3-season tent. We'll be fine."  

I said we'd be dirty and the music would be too loud for the Bean and she'd be overtired and impossible.  He said, "She loves music and dirt washes off.  I'll help you with her. We'll be fine."

So I took a deep breath and chose to believe we would be fine.  While keeping in mind that we could leave if it was terrible.

It is so easy to ruin a good time with a bad attitude.  

Prepare, definitely, but then make up your mind that you are going to have fun no matter what happens. And the chances are really good that you will.

 

Expect Some Re-Entry Adjustments

Our first night home Bean was up 2 and a half hours past her normal bedtime and she woke up several times during the night needing reassurance because I wasn't sleeping right next to her like we had been in the tent. In the morning I was exhausted.

Don't plan any big stuff the first couple of days after you return. It may take a few days to get back to normal schedules when you get home from a big trip, camping or otherwise. Be patient.  It will happen. 

But the bumpiness of the "re-entry days," as I call them, are worth it for the experience of new places, new people, adventure and fun that can be gained by getting out of your house and your normal routines for a few days.

Have you camped with a toddler?  Do you have any other tips to add?  Leave a comment and tell me!

10 links on Tuesday: Things to do with strawberries

Image from Design Seeds.

Where I live we don't just get strawberry season.  We get strawberry spring, summer, and fall.  Strawberries from May to November.  So many strawberries.  

I love strawberries, but I also run out of ideas for what to do with them (other than straight from the basket - ahem).  Here are 10 new ideas that I'm going to try this spring/summer/fall.

1. Strawberry Cheesecake Cups - strawberries stuffed with goodness!
2. Slice fresh berries over this Flourless Chocolate Cake from Real Simple. 
3. Strawberry strawberry cheesecake for a lucky dad!  Scroll down to the bottom of the post for the recipe.
4. Here is a vegan smoothie recipe that sounds delicious and filling - Strawberry Oatmeal Smoothie.
5. Last time I was at her house, my sister threw together a quick salad with spinach, gorgonzola and strawberries.  It was delicious!  Here is a similar salad from Whole Foods Market.
6. Here's a different salad with strawberries spin - this one with pecans and a sweet onion dressing.
7. Summer is not complete without fresh strawberry ice cream.
8. I love this post from the Tea and Cookies blog about failed strawberry jam. I also love making strawberry jam more than I love eating it, even when it comes out well.  I'm so glad I'm not alone! Here is Orangette's recipe for the jam she recommends.
9. I might try this as an alternative to strawberry jam this year - a conserve of berries in a barely set syrup. If that phrase makes your mouth water, rest assured you are a foodie.
10. These strawberry-mint  ice pops sound deliciously refreshing!

The things I say (blogathon theme day)

The 2012 Blogathon theme day today is Wordle.  Here is the Wordle for this blog.  I'm surprised at the relative size of words like "really" and "get."  A good reminder to do more pre-publish editing to tighten up my writing!

Guest Post: 10 Easy, On-The-Go Toddler Munchies

 I'm so pleased to share a post with you today by Danielle of Danielle's Kitchen and Velveteen Mama. Danielle and I met in an online writing class taught by Meagan Francis last fall, and I was lucky enough to meet her in person this spring at Blissdom in Nashville. Danielle launched Danielle's Kitchen last month to focus on allergen-free food and eating well with allergies.  We have toddlers about the same age so I asked if Danielle would share some recipes for on-the-go toddler snacks.  Now excuse me while I go make some of of these nut butter balls.  Enjoy!

   

As a food allergic family, we cannot rely on any packaged food to meet our needs for quick, on-the-go snacks.

This means we've had to get a little creative about our snack options and are used to toting our food with us wherever we go.  A side benefit is that packaged foods are expensive and typically filled with all kinds of stuff we really don't want in the growing bodies of our children anyway.  

Here are some ideas for healthy, on-the-go food that are friendly for toddlers, too.  As a bonus, most of these are (or can easily be made) allergen-free. 

Invest in some good quality small containers and it's easy to toss a few snacks in your bag on your way out the door.  

 

Nut Butter Balls

 Mix 3 parts nut or seed butter, 2 parts nutritional yeast, 1 part honey (or maple syrup) and a pinch or two of salt (to taste) until you have workable dough.  Roll into balls and then roll in crushed cereal or nuts.

These are a great source of protein, healthy fats, and B vitamins. Store in the fridge or freezer and they'll stay firm in a snack box for a few hours.  

For a treat for mom and dad, melt a few chocolate chips and roll the balls in chocolate before or instead of the chopped nuts. If you use peanut butter and coat them in chocolate, I'm told they taste strikingly like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

 

Hard Boiled Eggs, Cheese Cubes, Deli Meat

Simple and accessible, these are all easy and relatively tidy protein sources. Paired with fresh fruit or veggies, they make a pretty complete lunch, too.

 

Sardines and Crackers 

These might be a little messy on the go, but if you can get past the yuck factor, sardines are a great source of healthy omega fats and calcium (which is a boon for those of us who are dairy-free).  My 15-month-old loves to be fed bites of sardine (yes, bones and all!) while munching on some rice crackers.

This is also a quick and easy lunch when you're stuck for ideas.

 

Fruit and Nut Bars

If you have a food processor and 30 minutes, you can make these.  

Use a ratio of 1 part nuts/seeds to 1 part dried fruit, pick a nut and/or seed (cashews, almonds, sunflower seeds) and a moist, dried fruit (dates, prunes, raisins).

Lightly roast your nuts/seeds (if desired) and blend in food processor until pieces are small, but not granular. Remove nuts/seeds from processor and set aside in a bowl.  Put your dried fruit(s) in the food processor and pulse until they form a paste.  Go easy on your food processor so you don't send it into cardiac arrest!  You might need to give it breaks to cool the motor.

Scrape your fruit paste into the bowl with your nuts/seeds and mix well (use your hands and get in there!). Either roll them into bars or  press into a parchment lined pan and chill.  When firm, cut into snack-sized bars. Store in the fridge or freezer.

 

Pancakes  

They're not just for breakfast anymore! You can hide all sorts of nutrient dense things in pancakes.  Try adding nut butter, protein powder, cottage or ricotta cheese, and/or mashed fruit (bananas, applesauce, pureed sweet potato, carrot or beets, etc).  

Make ahead and keep them in the fridge or freezer.  We like to warm them up in a toaster.  Because we're gluten-free we omit any sweetener and use pancakes in place of bread on sandwiches, hot dogs/hamburgers and as toast.  My kids also love to grab them for a quick snack. 

 

Cheesy Chickpeas 

These are a big hit around here as a snack or full meal.  My six-year-old takes these to school for lunch in her thermos on a regular basis.  

Put your chickpeas in a bowl, drizzle with oil or water, a sprinkle of nutritional yeast and titch of garlic powder.  Tailor the amount to your tastes.  Toss well and enjoy! The grown-ups like theirs with a bit of salt, too.   

These can be eaten cold or heated up a bit.  An alternative for older children: Drizzle with oil, nutritional yeast, garlic powder and a few pinches of salt.  Toss well, then bake on parchment at 350F for 20 minutes or until crispy.  

 

Speedy Salsa

In a bowl mix some drained and rinsed black beans, chunks of avocado and/or tomato, and a squeeze of lime.  Add a titch of onion, garlic and/or chipotle if your toddler likes those things.  Adjust amounts to your liking.  

This is a great finger food to enjoy alone or with bits of soft tortilla. 

 

Hummus

My toddler eats this right off the spoon, but yours might enjoy dipping carrot sticks or crackers in it. Mine will dip carrots in his, but then he just sucks it off and goes back in for another dip.  If you're worried about choking on bits of carrot or cracker, just keep an eye on your little one to make sure they don't bite off big chunks.  

My favorite hummus recipe is 1 can of chick peas, 1/4 cup of reserved liquid from the can, 1/4 cup sesame tahini, 2 Tbsp lemon juice, 1 large (or 2 small) cloves garlic and 1/2 tsp salt. Blend in a blender or food processor.  Add more of the reserved liquid until you get the consistency you want and adjust garlic, lemon and salt to your tastes. Easy breezy!

 

Granola

Granola is a great way to exercise that toddler pincer grasp and by making your own, you can tailor it to your individual families tastes and needs.  

My basic recipe is 3 cups oats, 3 cups seeds/nuts/dried fruit, 3/4 tsp salt, 1 tsp cinnamon (optional), 3 tsp ground chia seed (optional), 1/2 cup maple syrup or honey, 1/4 cup oil, and 1/4 cup applesauce.  Mix together and bake at 350F checking every 10 minutes, tossing or flipping occasionally, until cooked to your desired crispiness.  Store in an airtight container. 

 

Other Snack Bars and Bean-Based Goodies

Chocolate Covered Katie is one of my favorite websites for healthy, tasty, vegan snacks.  I'm not vegan, but her recipes contain healthy fats and proteins that are often portable for on-the-go parents.  Here are some favorites that mimic store-bought treats:

• Quaker-Style Chewy Granola Bars.  I can't wait to try these!
• Snickerdoodle Blondies (but they're good for you!) These use white beans or chickpeas as a base and you cannot taste them!
• Oatmeal Raisin Cookie LaraBars (nut-free)  (nut-free)

Eating healthy and wholesome food doesn't have to be hard or tricky.  With some imagination and a little preparation it is relatively easy to have handy snacks your toddler will love and you will feel good about eating.

What are some of your favorite go-to toddler snacks to have while you're out and about? What do your little ones love to eat?

 

Danielle is a mom of three, writer, and veteran allergen-free whiz in the kitchen.  When she's not whipping up safe meals and treats for her family that are free from gluten, dairy, soy, corn, peanuts and (usually) eggs, she can be found reading, writing, or knitting.  She blogs about the joys and struggles of being human atwww.velveteenmama.com and her allergen-free wisdom and goodies can be found at www.danielleskitchen.com.

 

My top 5 parenting books

 

When I found out I was pregnant I went on Amazon and ordered a stack of books that I thought would help me make sense of what was happening to my body and my life.  Then the morning sickness hit, and I was nauseous when I tried to read.  By the time that passed I was gearing up to start grad school. 

My daughter's birth came and went and most of the books remained in a pile next to my easy chair, unread.

Following the pattern I set back then, I haven't read very many parenting books in the last 16 months.  But of the few I read, these have been the most useful.

The Nursing Mother's Companion, by Kathleen Huggins

Breastfeeding was supposed to be easy.  I had breasts, I had a hungry baby.  No problem, right?  

While I'm grateful that my breastfeeding journey was simpler than it turns out to be for many moms, it was not nearly as simple as I expected.  I read this book cover to cover when my daughter was 3 or 4 days old, my nipples had blistered and cracked from an improper latch, and I had no idea how to tell if my milk had come in yet.  I was desperate for information.  This book answered all of my questions and did it clearly enough that I could understand it even in my shell-shocked and sleep-deprived state.  If you are a new (or repeat!) mom and you plan to breastfeed, make sure you have this book in your house before the baby arrives.  It may save you some sanity when you really really need it.

No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley

Sleep was another thing I thought was going to be so easy and then it wasn't.  I thought we'd just sleep with the baby and everyone would be happy.  I didn't really realize how often the baby would wake up and what that meant for all of us sleeping, or not sleeping, which was what was really happening. When I started hearing other moms talking about sleep training and co sleepers and what "sleeping through the night" really means (hint: not 8 hours), I decided I needed to know more about how babies sleep and what I could influence and what I needed to live with.

Pantley's book offered me information on baby sleep cycles and tips for easing sleep transitions, and didn't make any suggestions to let the baby cry, which I knew I would not be willing to do. It helped me understand better where she was developmentally, how much sleep she should be getting, and to be more clear about what was important to me about our sleeping situation.  We actually didn't change where or when the baby was sleeping as a result of reading the book, but I felt a lot more at peace about our decision to co-sleep and we made some minor adjustments that helped me sleep better myself. When I became more confident my interactions with Bean around naps and bedtime and developed a better going-to-bed routine, the whole process got a lot easier.

Many months later, when I was finally ready to move her to her own crib, I re-read Pantley's book to help me figure out how to make that happen.  It took about a week of bumpy nights, but Bean started sleeping better and more soundly very quickly.

Baby-Led Weaning, by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett

Several of the moms in my circle of friends were talking up this book when they started introducing solid foods to their kids, who were all a few months older than mine.  After eating out with them a few times and being totally impressed at how well their babies could manage a wide range of foods, I decided to check it out.

I guess by not reading all those pregnancy books when I was pregnant I missed the instruction that you are supposed to start your baby on pureed food. I found the Baby-Led Weaning approach to be a perfectly logical way to introduce food, encourage healthy eating habits and help your child develop a wide palate of tastes and textures. 

Food is a big deal in my house.  I love to cook and to eat, and to share the tastes I love with my family.  It turned out to be so much fun to let Bean try new foods mostly on her own terms and develop her own individual tastes.  She has always been really clear about what she likes and doesn't, when she wants more and when she's done.  And honestly, she'll try anything and enjoys some surprisingly strong-flavored dishes. 

And I didn't have to buy or make a whole bunch of special food for her, so we all win!

Bringing up Bebe, by Pamela Druckerman

This isn't actually a parenting book.  It is a memoir, sort of, and one mom's research into the differences in parenting styles between French and American families.  While the author has drawn criticism for over-simplifying both cultures and for focusing on families in a very narrow socio-economic range, I still found it fascinating.  

I'm often slightly horrified by families where the kids seem to be running all over the parents. "Be the grown up!" I want to scold the parents.  "How will your child respect anyone if you don't insist that he respects you?"

It was heartening to me to discover that the instincts that were leading me to set clear boundaries and have expectations for my child's behavior, even at a young age, we in line with parenting practices somewhere, at least.  Although there are things I disagree with that are normal practice in France (early weaning, for example) there are also things that I'm very envious of that would make such a difference in the US (government funded early childcare and preschool).  

Mostly it was a fascinating look at two different parenting styles and the potential pros and cons of each.  I always think it is a good a idea to take the lid off of our customs and beliefs to figure out what they mean and why we do them, even if we choose to continue on exactly the same path we are on.

The Toddler's Busy Book: 365 Creative Games and Activities to Keep Your 1 1/2-to 3-Year-Old Busy, by Trish Kuffner

This is the newest book on my (virtual) shelf.  Now that all the babies in our little circle of moms are toddlers, the emails in our group are often about a) What are you guys cooking for dinner? and b) how do I keep this kid entertained and prevent him from jumping off of the furniture??   

This book, again, was recommended by one of our group.  I've only just begun to delve into it, but I'm loving the suggestions so far.  It has arts and crafts, learning, and play activities for both indoors and out and even suggestions for a Rainy Day Box that is a parent's secret weapon on those rainy or sick days when the day just seems to stretch on forever.

But best of all she has a whole chapter on how to organize for your toddler, including what you can save or re-use from around your house for various purposes.  This is a fantastic resource for parents or caregivers of toddlers, especially the especially busy ones, like mine!

 

What are your favorite or lifesaving parenting books?

Ordinary life in pictures

The mid-day counter collection. Snack bowl, sippy cup and the cat-deterrent device.  The lens that got left in the car and finally migrated in. Drawing paper. Bean's iPhone.  A quiet monitor.  A moment of stillness to observe this moment of my life.

Critic, be gone!

 

Photo by @MSG via Creative Commons

Do you have a voice in your head that tells you that your work isn't good enough? That your time is better spent doing something actually productive? That you'll never earn a living doing this (writing/blogging/painting/etc.) and you might as well quit right now before you make a fool of yourself?

Yeah, I have that voice, too. The dreaded Inner Critic. Sometimes that voice can sound like a whole chorus of inner critics, all of whom know my weakest points and tenderest buttons.

When I look back on my life I see that I have wasted a lot of time letting that voice talk me into not doing things I really wanted to do.  I believed I wasn't good enough, or skilled enough, or creative enough.  I let myself believe a lot of excuses about not having enough time.

But these days, I don't have time for the voice.  I want to write.  I want to paint and cook and make things.  And also I want to be an awesome parent.  In order to make room for all of that I have to spend more time doing and less time waffling around, feeling bad because of the voice. 

Here are some of the things I do to help deal with my inner critic so I can get back to making.  I think they will help you, too.

Awknowledge It

As much as I want to hate my inner critic, I realize that voice comes from a valid part of myself.  One that is afraid both of failing and succeeding.  One that has strong opinions about what is "good" and what is not. One that can help me create high quality work, when the time is right.

But not when I'm writing a first draft.  When my voice is speaking up when I'm right at the beginning of a project, I channel my inner mama and talk to it like it is a toddler: "I hear you.  I hear that you have something to say.  But right now I have something I'm trying to write.  Will you go play over there for 30 minutes?  I will give you all of my attention as soon as I'm done with this." 

Make sure you do invite it back when you get into revision mode, because that's when that voice can really be valuable.

(I don't make my toddler play for 30 minutes without me.  My inner voice has a much longer attention span than my toddler does)

 

Drown It 

Sometimes the voice will heed my request to go play, but sometimes it is whiny and clingy. When that happens, I turn up the music, go to a coffee shop, change my scenery, or just set a timer and start writing.  Write really fast.  Don't go back to fix grammar or mis-spelled words.  

You can write faster than your ciritic can niggle and eventually you will leave the voice behind.

 

Listen 

When you have asked for a break and tried to outwrite it, but the voice is still there, give it a minute and check in with what it is saying.  

I was recently working on a draft of an article and my critical voice was just haranguing me.  "This is stupid," it was saying.  "This doesn't even make sense. Who would want to read this?"

My inner critic isn't very nice to me. 

A couple of days later my critique group suggested some major restructuring to my article draft.  And with fresh eyes, I could see that they were totally right.  My draft didn't make a lot of sense the way I had structured it, but by moving the pieces around it would flow so much better.

Which my inner voice had been trying to tell me all along. Sometimes it pays to take a minute to see if that voice is telling you something you can learn from.

Turn Toward (what am I most afraid of?)

Sometimes my inner critic is trying to tell me something bigger than editing tips.  Sometimes my voice is speaking up because I'm pushing my own boundaries, or because I'm delving into a subject that brings back bad memories or opens an old wound. This feels different than the standard inner voice.

When this happens, I stop.  I listen.  I soothe.  If my voice is my inner toddler, I take a moment to wrap her up in my arms and tell her I love her and that she is safe.  I pay attention to the fear, the hurt, and the sadness.

But then I go back to being an adult and I make a decision about whether I should continue or not.  Some wounds need air to heal.  Some boundaries need to be broken so I can grow.  My inner voice can tell me when I've reached a tender spot, but my grown-up self needs to decide whether it is safe to proceed or not.

 

Step Away From the Keyboard

If none of the techniques I've described above works, I do something drastic. I walk away for a while.  Do something else and set it aside.  Sometimes I just need a short break to clean up the kitchen or to water the garden.  Sometimes that's enough to shake loose the thing I'm stuck about so I can get perspective on it.  

Sometimes it helps to do something physical - go for a walk or go to the gym.  Don't even think about the project you are stuggling with or your bad feelings about it.  Just set it aside.  Try again tomorrow. Or the day after that.

This doesn't work if you have a deadline, of course, but sometimes your critic is acting up because your creative well is dry and you need to refill it.  Pamper yourself a bit and rest.  Return when your ideas start popping again and I'm willing to bet that critic will be quiet for a while.

What techniques do you use to manage your inner critic? 

Blogging tips from an old dog

Photo by Jerry Bunkers via Creative Commons

I've been blogging for almost 10 years.  A lot has changed in the world of blogging since I started, and honestly a lot of it has just passed me by while I wasn't paying attention.  I'm terrible with SEO, I don't even try to monetize, I insist on writing a horribly unfocused personal blog (the experts say that's a total waste of time), and I'm honestly very half-assed about using social media or building networks.

But still, I've been at this a long time, and I've learned a few things.  If you are willing to take some tips from an old dog who insists on doing everything the hard way, I'll tell you what I've gleaned from the experience.

 

Quality over Quantity

I realize this is an odd thing to say when I'm in the middle of a post-every-day challenge, but bear with me.

I know that in order to fill my calendar for 31 days straight, I'm posting some light-weight stuff.  I can see which kinds of posts are getting more comments and higher page views, and it is safe to say it isn't the light-weight stuff.

In a way, that's really reassuring.  I've been putting my energy into the right places in terms of content. I don't need the filler (except when I'm participating in a blogathon!).

If you write well, you do not need to post every single day. Focus your attention on writing good, quality content and your readers will respond.

 

Respond to Your Audience, but Don't Be a Pushover

It has been interesting to watch page view stats and comments this month to see what pieces get attention and which do not.

My readers like essays about my life and my experiences. My readers think the list of links that I used to do on Tuesdays were totally boring. This helps me know what kinds of posts my audience will respond to best when I go back to a more sane posting schedule.

But a few years ago, I could have drawn a different conclusion from examining my stats. Most of my essays drew no comments but all my photo posts were popular.  I kept publishng essays because that's what I like best to write.  

Either my audience has changed, or I've become a better writer (or both), but if I had stopped writing essays back then my blog would have suffered and I probably would have lost interest in blogging and quit.

So write about what excites you, and write in the way that you love to write.  The right people will eventually find you.  Which leads me to...

 

Be Yourself

The longer I write - not just on my blog, but write in general - the  more confident I am in my voice.  The more confident I am, the stronger my writing is.  And the more I am myself, in my voice and in the stories I tell, the more positive feedback I get from my readers. 

The lesson?  Be yourself.  Readers visit your blog becasue they want to hear what you have to say.  You.  Not somebody else filtered through you.

 

Break the Rules

You can find the "rules" of blogging on ProBlogger and on any number of blogs with "Blog Tips" in their name.  Do a search on Google for "how to blog" and you will get hundreds of hits.  How to get more readers.  How to build a post.  How to write a title that will draw readers like flies.  How to go viral. Put outbound links in your posts. Don't put too many outbound links in your posts.

I've learned a lot by reading what other people do with their blogs, but I do what feels authentic and true for me and my blog.  So I blatently ignore a lot of the "rules" of good blogging.  

I'm not an A-list blogger and I have a smallish (but growing!) community of readers.  And that's OK with me.

Know why you are blogging and what your goals are.  If your goals are not served by following the rules, you have my permission to ignore them.

 

Except When it Makes Sense to Follow Them

And here I will contradict myself again.  My natural way of writing is long sentences in long paragraphs. Which doesn't work well on the web.

I am stubborn and was committed to being myself (see above), so I persisted for a long time.  

But then, as an experiment, I tried following the highly-recommended convention of paragraphs no more than 2-3 sentences long.  And I got more comments. Because people could actually read what I was saying without getting lost in a long block of text.

Know why you are blogging and what your goals are.  If your goals are served by following the rules, apply them.

 

Sleep on it, And Then Edit Again

A couple of times I have written something I think is achingly beautiful just the way it comes out of my fingers.  I loved it so much that I posted it immediately. 

And then nobody responded to it.

When I went back to read the piece again I realized it was full of grammatical errors, long, clunky sentences, and bad metaphors.  As first drafts usually are.

Don't post first drafts.  Walk away. Come back later and edit with fresh eyes.  Cut out a third and it will almost always be a better piece.

Appreciate Your Readers

There are millions of blogs out there. You could be reading any of them.  Instead you are here, reading me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I try to respond to every single comment, though sometimes it takes me a while.  Know that I read them all and love you for leaving them.

Wherever you write, make sure to acknowledge your readers for giving you the gift of their time and attention.

 

Don't Just Live in Your Blog, See The World

This lesson is two-fold.  

First, in order to have interesting things to blog about, you have to live.  Do not let your blog take over your life.

Get away from the keyboard and live your life.  

Second, the best part about blogging is the community of people who can grow up around a blog and between bloggers.  But you have to interact - respond to your readers and comment on other blogs -  to facilitate that community.  

I admit that this is a hard one for me because my time a the keyboard is so limited.  But trust me when I say that it is worth it to get out of your editing window and see what other poeple are writing about.  

Find a new blog this week.  If you love the writing, leave a comment.  You will make that writer's day, and you might gain a new reader to boot.

 

What have you learned from blogging, whether you are new to it or have been doing it forever?

Guest Post: Making Sure Your Blog Benefits Your Family

Today I’m participating in the Ultimate Blog Swap. You’ll find me posting over at Scraps of My Geek Life about iApps That Support Your Spirit, and I’m beyond excited to welcome Mandi Ehman of  Life Your Way and Jungle Deals & Steals to Aubergine:

Image by Photon_De via Creative Commons.

Why do you blog?

Is it for the sense of community? Because you hope to contribute to your family finances? Or because you can’t not write, and a blog seems like a good platform to share your words?

We all blog for different reasons, and that’s okay, of course, but there’s been a recent trend of divorces among some pretty popular family bloggers, and it’s hard not to wonder what role their blogs have played in the demise of their marriages.

Most of us wouldn’t blog at all if we weren’t receiving some payoff; we’d stick with our private journals for putting our thoughts to paper.

But the feedback and friendships and community that develop through a blog can be powerful ties to the outside, grown up world, especially for stay-at-home parents who may feel sequestered from the real world in the midst of changing umpteen poopy diapers and preparing yet another snack.

Things like free products and trips and actual cash money can be pretty motivating payoffs as well, especially if your family budget is tight or you rely on the income from your blog to pay the bills or put food on the table.

Much has been written on the importance of work-life balance, here on Aubergine and elsewhere around the web, and that’s certainly a challenge for most bloggers, who carry their blog with them as part of their everyday life both in their thoughts and in their hearts.

But what if we looked at it through the lens of how our blog can actually benefit our family? And if it’s not benefitting the family – but rather coming between those relationships – maybe it’s time for things to change.

 

A Creative Outlet

Having a creative outlet is a good thing. When we use our creativity to express our thoughts and emotions, we’re better able to handle the things that come at us every day. That’s why art therapy and journaling are so valuable for children and adults alike.

Blogging can certainly be that creative outlet – allowing you to craft words from your heart and design beautiful things and wrestle with various pieces of code. If your blog serves as a creative outlet for you, you should walk away refreshed from writing or designing or coding, which makes you a better mother to your children and a better wife to your husband. But beware – the art is not the goal. It’s a tool to use to express yourself, but if it becomes more important to you than your family (in action, even if you’d never say that out loud), it can cause arguments and impatience and strife.

 

A Community

Similarly, community is good. Motherhood can be lonely, but it’s not supposed to be. Connecting with other moms – moms in the throes of raising toddlers, moms who can look back with fondness on those years through the lens of time, and moms who are just getting ready to welcome their first child and are looking to you for encouragement – is good for the soul. Commiserating and encouraging one another, laughing and crying together, sharing ideas and inspiration – all of it is good.

Having a community brings perspective to the journey of motherhood, and that’s beneficial. Valuing your community more than your family, however, is unhealthy and dangerous. It often results in treating your family as if they’re a bother and spending car rides with your nose stuck in your phone, and sadly even children can feel when this line is crossed.

 

A Business

For the entrepreneurs among us, building a blog and growing a business are exciting. Not only can we contribute to our family’s finances, but there’s just something invigorating about taking an idea and making it a reality. Earning money is a good thing – whether it’s for basic expenses, family vacations or future college tuition, and running a business from home is a great way to inspire a future generation of entrepreneurs. For many families, the money from blogging actually allows them to spend more time together, as opposed to other part-time jobs outside of the home.

But in any business, there is the always more that can be done – longer hours to work, another project to tackle, more ideas to stay ahead of the competition. If we get caught up in the rat race of trying to do bigger, better things, we can easily lose our connections as a family, even when we’re all in the same house all day! So,

I’ll ask again…why do you blog? What is the payoff you get from your blog? And is it truly benefitting your family?

 

Mandi Ehman lives in wild, wonderful West Virginia with her husband of ten years and four beautiful, spunky little girls. As a full-time work-at-home, homeschooling mom, she runs Life Your Way and Jungle Deals & Steals and consults for a variety of websites and brands. Mandi loves coffee, chocolate, easy meals, beautiful things and minimalist spaces!

Visit Life Your Way to see all of the Ultimate Blog Swap participants!